I don’t mind being single. I don’t mind being alone. It’s safe and comfortable…most of the time. That being said….I have so many wonderful things going on right now. There are so many successes, triumphs and accomplishments. It is in these moments that I feel the most alone. For me, It’s not so bad to be alone with pain, illness, struggles, and heartaches. Though I do what I do for myself and (that will never change) and not for honor, glory, or accolades…it dampens the joy, the triumph, the significance of the victory when you are surrounded by people who are surrounded by people celebrating others individual accomplishments….and you are standing there….alone.
Maybe alone is just not having someone there who you know. That hurts, yes. What really hurts is finally seeing someone you do know and having them never say anything to you. Worse is to have them walk by, throw a halfhearted “nice job” at you without even really looking are you…and then pounce on someone near you with hoots and hollers and dancing and rejoicing.
I must remember that I do the things I do for myself. I must remember to not subject myself nor allow myself to be in places where my aloneness can be rubbed in my face. I must remember to allow nothing to diminish my successes or my joy.
It’s true when they that some of the happiest people are the most shattered and broken on the inside. Some of the best comedians have had the most harrowing of experiences in life. Helping people, making them smile and laugh brings me a little more completeness. That will never change. I am elated when I see people succeed and grow and fly. I will celebrate life. I will celebrate success. I will celebrate joy and triumphs. I will lift those who are around me. I will do it alone.